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June 18, 2007  We just returned from the Pulmonologist's. Dr. B  is one of Maria's and my favorite doctors - very intelligent and logical. He also lays it on the line as to what's going on and spends an ample amount of time answering our questions. He sent me for a new X-Ray.  The X-Ray was just slightly better than the last one so basically he said to maintain the 60mg of Prednisone I'm on and then we are going to try weaning me off of it more slowly - 60 - 50 - 40 -30 etc. We might have come off it too fast last time? I see him again in a couple of weeks.  He seems to think that the current problem is likely due to a flare-up of the BOOP (See the March 6th Updates for more info on what the hell "BOOP" is) that almost did me in a few months ago. However, Dr. B. was unwilling to rule out a new lung infection - particularly PCP or "Pneumocystis Carinii Pneumonia." Apparently, the longer I harbor the BOOP, the greater the risk of contracting PCP. He said it's present in soil and healthy lungs would likely fight it off.  It just so happens that I love to garden and mess around in the soil. In fact, soil is the only place I generally try to grow things - like tomatoes. Anyhow, he's giving me a prophylactic dose of a sulfur drug (trimethoprim-sulfamethoxazole) for now and took some blood to see if I might already have it. The blood test is NOT definitive, and a high reading of a certain indicator (can't remember the name of it) could be due to a number of things including BOOP, but if it came back excessively high, then he would argue to do a bronchioscopy to determine if the PCP were already present and then treat it aggressively. He doesn't really want to do the bronchioscopy on my already fragile lungs since the procedure carries its own risks of infections (and is no fun besides). Also, he said there's another drug that could be added to fight the BOOP but it could work against any chemo that I might have in the future. He wanted us too ask the Oncologist, Dr. S., this Thursday if it would be okay to use it, too. I tell ya, if  it's not one thing it's five.

Sometimes, today being one of them, I have a tendency to get "down." I start thinking that what we're dealing with here is not the main problem - Cancer - but a side effect of the treatment. It can be very discouraging at times. And dealing with these side issues can effect both the ability to treat the cancer and  the efficacy of the treatment. However, my Maria is always there when I'm down, focusing on any positive aspect of this nightmare and reminding me that a lot of my emotions and feelings right now are Prednisone-driven. And I'm sure some of them are. She somehow finds the strength to always be up when I'm down, which is very comforting to me. However, I also know that she pays the toll later, usually alone and without anyone to buoy her spirits as she does mine. I sometimes glimpse a tear or two winding its way discreetly down her cheek, which she will attribute to a problem with her contact or some other lame excuse. What a rock she is for me! What a soft spot to land! How much I love her!!