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November 2, 2006 To all of those who have called, sent cards, emailed, thought good thoughts, or brought pies and cakes by (well, no one actually brought pies and cakes - but isn’t it a good idea?) -- Thanks!!!!

I thought this would be a good time to update you on the status of my “circumstance.” As many of you know, my voice went suddenly south on me in September and I’ve had a very wispy, hoarse voice since then (as a “salmon whisperer,” my voice is very important to me, the lack of which perhaps accounts for my poor showing on Fall Chinook this year). I thought I’d busted a chord or something, but the doc found that one side of my vocal chords was paralyzed, and test after test kept pointing to a nerve problem that could be caused by “something” (read tumor) pressing on the nerve.  “CAT” Scans, “PET” Scans, and “LAB” tests (I felt like I should be seeing a veterinarian) all pointed south – a #@!*!! tumor on the upper left lung that is likely the result of chemo and radiation that I had for Hodgkin’s Disease 30 years ago. I knew that was a long-term risk, at the time, but who knew? At first, we were told that the tumor was inoperable because of its size and precarious location near the aorta and spine. Because I’d had radiation before, I might not be able to have any more and chemo, by itself, is not very effective.  

Anyhow, to make a long story short, Maria and I were just a bit disappointed about the news. However, after many doctor appointments and a bazillion tests (sorry Blue Cross) we finally have some reasonably good news (remember that everything is relative). Well, we found out today that I will be able to get the “full meal deal” (chemo and radiation) treatment. The objective is to shrink the tumor to a size where a decent surgeon with only mild palsy might be able to go in and get the rest of it. If that can’t be done, then there’s a new thing called a “cyber knife” which delivers enough radiation to kill granite to a precisely defined area. It’s even possible that my real voice could return, so I could give my current one back to Mickey. 

It looks like I might start the chemo/radiation regimen (simultaneously) as early as next week.  Other than the voice thing, I feel as good as anyone my age can expect to feel, although the radiologist did say I will feel like hammered doggy pooh in about three weeks – but I’m okay with that since the salmon fishing is on the wane now anyhow. Also, I love being catered to by Maria (my rock) and my kids around Thanksgiving and I fully intend to play that card to the fullest!

So, Maria and I want you all to know that we are excited to have some treatment alternatives. We are very optimistic and upbeat right now and are looking forward to getting started on the fix. We really appreciate the efforts you have all made to show your concern for us and all the offers to help in any way you can.  You will never know how much that means to us.  We have been so busy with all this that I know I’ve been remiss in getting back to folks. Please forgive me for that. I will try to do better. Hold a good thought for us and, again, thanks for everything.

 Nov. 8, 2006:  Maria and I are doing great and are very upbeat and anxious to get on with the treatments that can hopefully get rid of what we refer to as my "chestnut."  I have at least 5 weeks of simultaneous chemotherapy and radiation therapy ahead at the SW Washington Medical Center.  On Monday, the doctor told us about the side effects, most of which are temporary, like hair loss.  Some can be tougher, permanent, and more serious.  I find hair loss fairly serious!  We thought we were going to start the radiation tomorrow but they called today and delayed the start until next Tuesday because the planning is taking longer than they thought.  I'm still supposed to start the chemo on Monday - 5-6 hours for the infusion.  I'll report on how I feel during and after that little cocktail session.  But in the meantime, I'm going to go to work tomorrow and Maria and I are going to just take it easy and enjoy each other and our last weekend before all this starts.

Nov. 12, 2006: (I, Maria, will be writing in this lovely plum colored ink, to differentiate my comments from John's.) Lynn and Phil and Michael came over for dinner. I looked up the Southwest Washington Medical Center's Cancer Center on the Internet and found out it ranks among the best in the country. John and I feel lucky that we live close to such an excellent facility!

Nov. 13, 2006: John had his first chemotherapy treatment today and it went much better than he had expected. We really liked the staff at the infusion center who took care of him all day. The anti-nausea drugs keep him comfortable, sleepy, and relaxed. He had no nausea and was able to have a good dinner tonight.

Nov. 14, 2006: Easy day today.  Big breakfast of eggs, elk sausage (thanks Steve) and toast with Michael.  Listened by phone to part of the Power Planning Council's Meeting on regional coordination (what a mess!).  Then went to the clinic for the infusion and home for a nap.  Paid some bills, which is becoming increasingly tricky since I'm not working now - or at least very little.  Still feeling pretty good except for the fuzzy head. It's a quiet evening tonight and Maria and I are enjoying each other's company.

Nov. 15, 2006: It's 8:25 and time to go for my first shot of radiation and 3rd chemo treatment.  I feel good this morning - no headache yet but didn't sleep well last night, which they warned me about.  That makes the nap after the treatment even more fun.  Had a good breakfast (no loss of appetite yet) so I'm raring to go.  As my hero, "Larry the Cable Guy," says, "Git rr done!"

Nov. 15th: It's 10:45 PM. John has been doing great with the treatments, so far, though each day takes a little more out of him. Today, he fell asleep during the two hour chemo infusion, slept all the way home in the car, slept again from 2:00 till 5:30 PM, and was sound asleep on the couch when I got home from my meeting at 10:15 PM. After about 5 minutes of my gently touching his forehead, he slowly came to and asked, "Where am I?"

Nov. 16th: John's second day of radiation and the computer crashed, which delayed all the appointments nearly an hour. Oh, well. We completed radiation and chemo in time to get home for the evening news. John's meds are in the gradual weaning off stage, so he's still awake, though quite sleepy. He's trying to stay awake so he can sleep through the night tonight. We're looking forward to Lynn coming tomorrow to spend the morning with John before his treatments.

Nov. 17:  End of week one. John is feeling good. Less pain in his back and shoulder and no nausea. He’s sleeping a lot during the day and having trouble staying asleep at night, due to a combination of the steroids they are giving him and the constant need to flush out his kidneys every hour. Luckily, he’s getting plenty of rest with those long naps! We’re looking forward to two days off of treatments and some sunshine tomorrow!

Nov. 18:  Lynn and Phil came by today and mowed our lawn for the last time this  year and just in time for the rain to come tomorrow! I’m going to try to put up a few festive lights in the morning before it really starts coming down. John’s been really looking forward to Thanksgiving and he loves twinkling lights this time of year. While I went shopping for Thanksgiving supplies, Lynn, John and Phil watched the Ohio-Michigan game, happy Ohio won.

Though John felt like blowing the mimosa leaves off the deck this morning, he’s still getting lower on energy. He says he’s starting to feel weird because of the effect of the chemo: strange "numbnesses" in his teeth and waning ability to taste food, though he’s being a real trouper about eating and drinking enough. His voice is very soft today and it’s tiring for him to talk. We figure the voice is going to be a long time recovering since he’s a bit dehydrated and, besides, the radiation has to be hitting the vocal chord nerve, too.

Nov. 19, 2006:  Not a very good day today.  The Chemo apparently kicked in and I felt exhausted all day long.  Didn't do much but watch the Seahawks loose to SF, make some chili, and nap.  One of the high points of the day was an email I received from Steve Stone which I reproduce here in part:  "I told my Dad your "Pretzel" wrestling joke while in elk camp last week. He laughed so hard he blew whiskey out his nose. It sprayed so close to the woodstove that it started a small fire in the bacon grease can which then led to our entire camp going up in flames. After fruitless efforts to extinguish the blaze with lime juice and tonic we were eventually forced to retreat to a control line and empty out all of the gunpowder in our cartridges and ignite a backfire. Fortunately it barely worked and we saved the forest without Smokey's help. But it did remove any chance of (yet again) killing an elk with rifles and bullets. Dad wasn't into the club-'em-on-the-head-with-yer-rifle-stock thing so we tried the knife-in-teeth-while-diving-from-treestand method for a couple of days but eventually ran out of iodine and bandaids and so had to retreat back home. It's such a nice looong drive back to Portland from Halfway that we soon forgot our miseries and made plans for next year's elk hunt! Semper Fi!"  Thanks Steve!

Nov. 20th:  Today was a long day, starting with a blood draw, then chemo and radiation, plus two doctor's appointments. It was the last day of this round of chemo and it was about a four-hour infusion. John was apparently dehydrated, because he's feeling a lot better since they put 2 or 3 liters of saline into him. This morning, he was again wiped out after showering. He's lost 10 pounds (confirmed by three different doctor's scales) since Friday.

I lucked out and got a massage from a massage student while John was being infused. That was GREAT! Then I came home for a short time in the studio before going back for radiation and the second doctor's appointment. The big highlight of the day was Rob and Blake Jones arriving with a delicious dinner made by Paula. Unfortunately, Paula has a little cold, so she thought it best not to expose John. His immune system  will continue to weaken, so we're taking advantage of the occasional adult company when he feels up to it. John and the guys are watching Monday Night Football right now, but since you can't overestimate how much I don't care about the outcome of that (or any) football game, I opted to update the journal.

While John is on the upswing, I realize I'm a little tired, probably from worrying about him. I stay focused on the positive most of the time, so it surprises me when I realize what other feelings are bubbling around under the surface.

Nov. 20, 2006:  Yeah, that whole "Rob-Blake-Paula" thing was great but the really cool upside to the day was that I now have my own private parking spot at the hospital (see below).  At first I thought it was part of the hospital's Ag Research Department parking where they studied swine, but later learned that it's "oncology," not "oinkology.  Can it get any better?? :-)

Nov. 22: Getting ready for the big family Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. All the kids are coming with their spouses, a first for us. Usually, either some of them are out of town or we are. After radiation, we checked in with the oncology nurse. John’s blood pressure was low, but she thinks he’ll be fine till he sees the doctor Friday afternoon. We are resting up tonight, because we know there will be a house full of energy tomorrow! :-) Tom and Laurie Iverson just dropped by with a CARE package of Moose Stew and other goodies on their way to Seattle.

Nov. 24: Thanksgiving dinner was delicious, prepared and cleaned up by all the kids. All I had to do was cook the turkey. We had delicious ginger green beans, roasted carrots and parsnips, mashed potatoes and gravy, yummy cranberry relish, salad, and three kinds of pie. Oh, man. After dinner, we played Trivial Pursuits and just hung out in front of the fire while John dozed. He was really wiped out yesterday and had been heading that direction since Wednesday when we saw the oncology nurse. I wondered if they shouldn’t give him an IV to get him through the holiday, but she said no. Turns out, while he wasn’t totally dehydrated yet, he was well on his way.

By this morning, he was just plain miserable. He put his back out bending over to pull up socks, adding lower back pain to general weakness and dizziness. That wasn’t enough, so the radiation crew put him on the rack for an hour and a half until his whole body went into a full-on cramp. He was too tired and miserable to even complain. All he said was, “I’m almost not having any fun.” The sweet nurses at the infusion center immediately took him in hand, offering comfort and hydration till he perked back up and was his usual charming self.

About this time, the doctor dropped by to leave a standing order for IV's on demand. Since Lynn and I had come back home to get her car, I missed the doc’s visit, but he was kind enough to offer that I could call with any questions I might have outstanding. He’s bearing with my need to understand what’s going on in the face of the helpless feeling that comes with watching the one you love hurting and being threatened by some tentacled “thing” in his chest. John’s feeling good now, having a CAT scan by Dandy, and we’re looking forward to a quiet day with no agendas tomorrow.

Nov. 25  I woke up early today (4 AM) and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got up and started the day. After I did a few household chores and worked out, the sun was up, the fog burned off, and it turned out to be a beautiful day for gardening. I managed to get the perennial beds cleaned out and some leaves raked up.

The infusion center nurses called to see how John is doing today. His back is still hurting and he didn’t sleep well last night, so he’s napping now while I bake some cup custards to tempt him when he wakes up. My mom always made them for me when I didn’t feel well and there’s nothing like one for comfort food! I love days like this when you can just dink around the house, catching up on things. When the custards come out to cool, John and I are going to play in my studio.

(Later) We had fun playing in clay and listening to A Prairie Home Companion on the radio, but now John's feeling kind of puny and is resting again on the couch. Nothing sounds good to eat, to him, unless it's really salty and he eats it slowly. Lynn and Phil, Michael and Mo were going to come see John tomorrow, but he thinks he may want to cancel. It takes so much out of him to be "up" for visitors when he's feeling like this.

Nov. 27 John was weak and exhausted yesterday morning and had to sit after his shower again. He lost 5 lb. overnight, so we decided to take him to the infusion center for an evaluation. When they tested his blood pressure and heart rate sitting, and then standing, his blood pressure dropped and his heart rate accelerated, so they gave him a 2 liter IV. He bounced right back and had a fun visit with Dean Shumway and family who dropped by for awhile yesterday afternoon. Lynn and Michael brought some comfort food, too.

This morning, John’s weight was actually up a little and he felt pretty good until he had to go to radiation. They took an hour getting him lined up again. The technicians think that losing between 20 and 25 lb. might have something to do with his position changing. After radiation, he spoke with the doctor for a little while. He’s pretty tired of talking right now and is content to watch the Seahawks - Green Bay game being played in the snow.

Nov 28, 2006 Bonus Feature  Maria thought some of you might be interested in seeing what the radiation treatment room is like.  To see a photo of the facilities and John receiving a treatment click here on RADIATION FACILITIES.  Use caution, this might not be for everyone.

Nov. 28, 2006  I'm Feeling pretty good this morning, probably buoyed by that awesome win by the Seahawks last night.  On the downside, I observed a few "QUITTERS" in the hairbrush yesterday.  I was so upset that Maria rushed me to the Cancer Center where she snapped this picture of me checking for a heartbeat on the follicles.  It doesn't look good, I'm sorry to say.  Physician, Heal Thyself!